A painful breakup at 32 brought my life into sharp focus. What mattered to me now was so different from when I’d started out my career in fashion at the age of 23. I’d spent a decade working towards this point and while I loved being a magazine editor, something didn’t sit right anymore. The perpetual stress, the competitive business, the frequent travel and the constant comparison (though, I must note, much of it self-inflicted), wasn’t what I wanted from my life. What I’d been prioritising no longer fit. The life I’d built wasn’t wrong – it was just no longer mine. I adored culture, fashion and art (still do!) but I could increasingly see that the world I lived in was not the best place for me. My priorities had changed; I’d changed – it was time for a change.
We may not appreciate it, however at the end of the day, what you prioritise becomes your life. For a long time, I prioritised busyness, validation and a version of success that looked impressive from the outside but increasingly felt hollow within. It’s easy to do this without noticing – filling your days with things that matter in theory but not in practice. Mistaking business for actual progress. Not realising it’s closer to distraction, or noise, stuff that actually stops you understanding what truly matters to you. For me, real change began when I started asking that simple question: what actually matters to me now? Not five years ago, not to anyone else – me, now. And then, and this is the crucial bit, having the courage to let that answer reshape how I spent my time and energy. Turning an answer into a real-life change.
Part of that shift was learning to be present while still building a future. I used to live in a constant state of “once this happens, then I’ll feel better” – once I get the promotion, once I reach the next milestone. It sounds obvious, but life isn’t something that starts later; it’s happening in the middle of the planning. The small, ordinary moments – how you start your mornings, who you speak to, how you feel in your own mind – these are what make up the substance (and sum) of your life. Even something as simple as staying off your phone first thing can ripple outward, changing how you feel and function for the remainder of the day.
As my priorities changed, so did my relationships, my boundaries, and whose opinions I allowed to shape my decisions. One-sided relationships fell away; giving endlessly without reciprocity is a fast way to an unhappy mind. The same goes for advice. Learning to be selective – about people, input, and where I placed my attention – wasn’t about becoming more closed off, but about becoming intentional. Some of your most precious resources – time, energy, attention – are finite. Where and with who you invest them matters.
Perhaps the most important shift, though, was accepting that it’s okay to change direction – even when things look good on paper. We’re often taught to wait until we feel “ready,” or to stick things out because we’ve already invested so much. But in my experience, readiness isn’t always something that comes to you, it’s something you decide. And balance, I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way!) isn’t static – it moves with the seasons of your life. You can’t do everything, all at once, all the time. Sometimes you need to put down a spinning plate, so that the whole lot doesn’t come smashing down around you. And sometimes growth doesn’t look like how you think it would – it looks like letting go, recalibrating completely or choosing something that doesn’t make so much sense to others but feels clear to you. Because, in the end, the real work isn’t just building a life – it’s building one that actually fits you.
Prioritise This. By LILY SILVERTON is available now.
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